Believing In Me

You ever felt like you should followed your first thought on a person????? Today I sit back and think how I could have been so much stress and drama free.....I feel like my life is one big circle it keep going around and around but never ends up in the right place.....I guess that why they say you live and you learn....I don't regret things that I 've done I just regret people that i've met......from now on I will determine who comes in and damn sure about to put some people OUT

I'M BACK

HEY BLOGLAND, LONG TIME NO WRITE, I BEEN DOING A LIL BIT OF THIS AND THAT BUT NOW I THINK I'M BACKKKKKKKKKKKK...DID YOU MISS MY CRAZY POSTING, WELL STAY TUNED IT'S ABOUT TO BE ON AND POPPING

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Promise

Hello Blog World...Long time no write...I been busy doing other things but I'm back now.....

Today I promise to let my heart lead me and not my mind. I think in my past I was afraid to be in a serious relationship because I felt like I won't be able to live my life as Esdot.

I feel like it time to give people a chance ..Instead of looking at there flaws, I will look at there personality and feeling for me...Instead of putting my friends first I would put him first. Not in the way where I'm to busy for my friend but I will separate both relationship between them and him, because I need my friend for other reason and I need a man for similar reason . I think I met someone for me this time around and I will try my best to make this work on my behalf. But we are learning each other so we will see what God has in store for us................I miss yall but I'm back.....

ATL

Hello Bloggers long time no write.....

I went to T.I. Party in ATL on Wednesday, which was the hottest party I ever been too. This man is well love in the South. Our VIP was directly across from his. His shit was jumping but so was our, we had enough Remy and Goose to supply a bar for the night. The N*gga that I rolled with were classified as Jersey Ballers and was popping bottles and collars all night long....."Every since I can remember we were popping our collars, straight popping our collars"

I'm die hard Jay-z fan, and I never flew no where for one day to see him perform but he's under his label so it's was all good. I had plenty of drinks that had me fuk up and calling earl the next morning on Continental, but by time I got the work I was all good. It's was event that I'm glad I didn't miss....Holla

LIVE FROM JAMAICA

HELLO BLOGGERS.....

Just wanted to give you guys a shout out Live from Jamaica....I'm having a ball as usual! Black as Hell.......But I love it, so when yall see the pictures don't ask me how long I was sitting in the sun..The hotel that I'm staying at is cool, just rooms are small as hell, but it all good and the men are all horny......Mad at that.....But I'm chilling, laughing and of course smoking..... I wish my fellow bloggers was with me, but don't worry 4th of July is coming where will party some where HOT......I miss you guys and I will talk to you when I return....Peace

LOAD OFF MY BACK !!!!!

Hello Blogger...I'm back....

What a load off my back! I finally talk to my friend Ben, in my previous blog I told you how I was feeling with him and new situation and how we beefin and how I was so distraught. Well last week we spoke and everything is ok between me and him, we are sociable we are on speaking terms, but then I heard that the chick was expecting and for minute it kind of fuk me up, but then I thought about it fuk it he move on so am I ..........

So now that headache is over I feel better....

The Guy is still around I been cursing his azz for the last couple weeks and he been apologizing for the last couple of weeks. But I decide to give him another chance if doesn't get no better. I'm getting my number change that way he can't call me no more. But I feel some kinda way about this dude. I really like him. His attitude just suck at times, but I give right back.....Fuk that we won't be going thru none of that. But I love the way he caters to me.....I hope he get his shit together because I would love to be a part of his life and I would love him to be apart of mine....But remember he said he didn't want NO RELATIONSHIP, well day by day he been throwing lilttle things at me. But like I told him I react off his reaction...So we will see...He had a nerve to ask me if he can meet my son....Nope not until you get your act together with his Momma, Bogie is not beat.He see right thru people.

Happy Valentine's Day

Hello Blogger long time no write. I been down lately but gradually picking back up. It seem today that some of my friends have the Valentine's Day Blues. But I keep telling them to keep there head it just another day, think of it as the 13th and not the 14th. See I'm always alone on this day so I'm use to it, so what I suggest is that you pamper yourself on this day, buy lots of gifts or one real expensive one and you will feel better knowing you got what you wanted....So cheer up lady and go out and spend some money on yourself.....Love all of you..... Esdot

Last Week !

Hello Bloggers!!!!

Last week was another bad week for me. On Tuesday I receive a phone call at 4something in morning, from my mother boyfriend stating he was taking my mother to ER for her diabetes, but that all he said he didn't go in to details, so I respond with OK, not knowing it was really serious. So then I tried to go back to sleep, but when I did it was time to get up and get ready for work. But still thinking about my mother wondering what's really going on, but now I'm coughing out of control, ol boy I hope I'm not getting a cold. So now I driving to work and I receive a call from my grandmother asking me why I didn't call her and I said I was but when I go to work. So then she went in to detail telling me my mother was really sick and it kinda upset me because she knew I was driving and why would she tell me such bad news at time like this, so I cried and cried. I tried to remain as calm as possible but it wasn't working. Then on top that I was getting sick myself. To make a long story short I ended up out of work for 4days, I had FLU really bad and still recovering and My mother was really sick, but now she doing really good. So let hope this week is better than last......

The Guy

ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS THIS SHIT IS A WRAP.......HE TRIED TO INSULT MY DRESS CODE BECAUSE OF HIS DRESS CODE...FUK YOU!YOU TARGET SHOPPING MTHERFUKA...HOW DARE YOU ASK ME A QUESTION WITH QUESTION WHERE DID YOU GET THAT BLAZER FROM TARGET....NO MTHERFUKA, I SHOP AT TARGET FOR HOUSE HOLD ITEM NOT CLOTHING BITCH.....AND IF I LOOK NICE JUST SAY IT, DON'T LABEL NOTHING WEAR YOU BITCH ASS N*GGA......

The Guy (part VI)

Ok I'm convinced that he's special.....Last time I talk to you all I said how I like and dislike and all that still stands in my book. But now I just convinced that he's a lil touch. Also I finally found out his nationality and yes he is a foreigner (Grenadian)I knew he was something I just didn't know what. He's the kind of person that you don't want to talk over phone, you rather see him face to face because everytime he calls my phone he piss me the fuk off. Why do you even bother dialing my number. Sometimes I answer and sometimes I don't because I just don't want to hear what he has to say. Anyway all I want from dude is to call when 100 pumps is wanted or needed. Will I be wrong for that? Because honestly I see this is waste of time, but not a waste of dyck.........If you were me and all you wanted was a simple fuk, what will you do? Come out and just tell him or be bother when I feel like it.......Help me Bloggers, your advice is needed right now.

Hey..........

Hey Blogger, I know I been quiet for the last couple of day, my bad, I been going thru some tough times, with losing friends that knew I for a long time and being stressed out working at the zoo. But I'm slowly returning back to normal. So how's everybody else doing? I hope fine. Well I just wanted you know I still here and I'm back.......

The Guy (part V)

The Guy is really weird, but I like him and I don't like him. But let me tell why I do and I don't.

Why I Don't like him because how he talks sometimes, he's not disrespectful, just that he don't have the right choice of words when speaking to someone or better yet me. Sometimes I think he don't think before he talks, but he has to be a foreigner, because he very demanding at times and don't care what they say when they say and how they say it.

Why I like him is because he make me feels good in his presence, very attentive and caring. Will cater to you and trust me I love all of that. I pratically spent my whole weekend with him. His birthday was Saturday and it made me feel special that he wanted to spend his day with me. Only thing that made me laugh at this guy, when he asked me to buy him an Ipod Nano(yeah right)was exactly what I told him, but instead I brought him a 1/2 dozen of yellow rose, which I thought was cute idea and showed a sign of considering him a friend. And for a person that don't want to be commit never wants me to leave but I had to get my wig done and work. But I came back afterwards and Spent Sunday Morning and most my afternoon with him. I woke to a cup of green tea, and then breakfast was prepared for me which was good, but I'm sitting there with this guy like we are a fuking couple, (what the fuk is wrong with this guy, do want me or not) he is very confusing, but I'm going with the flow for now. But I just like the fact that he shows interest and attention to me, because I need it and I love it. So I'm going with he flow for now and see what happen next. Unpredictable.....

The Guy (part IV)

Ok I called The Guy last night on some drunk Remy shyte. I know I'm sucka for doing that but I did it anyway. So when I called I blocked my number and he answered by saying come over Sakinah, yeah that my real name don't tell no one(smile). So as I sitting dumb founded like how the fuk he know it's me, So I replied by saying that it just come over, why haven't you called in two weeks. He answered by saying you no why , but come here and we will talk about it. So I went (sucka for love). So when I get there he stated that he was upset because I gave him 20 pumps and bounced on that azz after I was done. (I got what I wanted what the purpose of staying). So the bytch came out of me, by saying you can't be fuking serious I had some where to be in the morning, shyt I don't have time to be laying up with you n*gga give me my 150 pumps and I'm out. So we had a heated conversation about that and he hit me with I not ready for no committed and I said neither am I, I'm lying shyt I wish had some one to call my own. We continue to talk and I broke it down to him by saying a fuk is a fuk, If it's good for both of us let keep it rolling until we both get tired of each other, I'm not trying to make you my man, I just want to enjoy your company every now and then,do not get it twisted. He said ok but you never know with him on what to expect next. But the killer question was what are we doing for my birthday...LMAO....Nothing I'm working well can you least buy me a gift....Hell to nah, you got your gift these 150 pumps..Happy Birthday....LOL So we end up doing 100 pumps this time no biting thank god for that, I can't take another bruise on my pretty skin. and again he's a fuking talker (whose it, mine now shut the fuk up) and he beg me not to leave and I stayed, let see if I receive a call from the bastard later....
He needs some real live attention from someone other than me....But I'm not going to front he had going for a minute, but I'm much better now that I got all that shyt off my chest. Whew.....

Last Night

Last Night was fun, I hung out with my fellow bloggers! We went to three spots: Liberty,Foxes, and Mug's. Liberty was cool but to many chicks big ones at that. Foxes was ok it looks like the crowd is picking back up there after tragedy that happen there. Mug's Pub was cool the normal customer was there and I like them when I'm not working. But I was a lil tipsy after drinking all that Remy. Well we all was tipsy. But we did have fun..

Another Day at The Zoo

Ok Blogger....My time must be short here at the Zoo. They have me covering for Dr. Special for the whole week which I'm so pissed because she requires a whole lot of attention. Now her secretary lil cheetah, apparently she had a nervous break down because Dr. Special scream at her and she in baby boomer stage, so she a lil emotional right now. So she went to the Doctor and they told her the animal at the Zoo is to feisty for her right now and to stay away for a couple of weeks. Well I'm sorry that this happen to lil cheetah, but I have other shyte to do than to cover her azz for the next two weeks. So Dr. Special finally showed her face today and now she delegating shyte for me to do like it's permanent oh hell to the nah, I have one more day left with her why is she talking to me like this shyte is longevity. See this is why smoke L's because of this kind of bullshyte, and I started to roll up and bring with me for the ride home. This is some bullshyte........And what's fuking with this I had a fuking cigarette and I don't even smoke. You know they got me pissed.

New Year

My New Year start off fuk up, but I'm hear to tell you it won't end fuk up......I'm on some straight new shyte. I will continue to do me and let these n*ggas know it's all about me. My time and My time only. I will call when I feel like, I will answer only if I feel like it. I will fuk when I feel like it...I will be a straight Nasty Bytch. Oh well, ain't no reason to be nice no more..... Life is a Party you mine well enjoy it why you can. LIVE LOVE AND LAUGH to all my bloggers friends.

Today at The Zoo...

Today as I walk in the Zoo, Heels approach me telling me I have to cover for Dr. Special! why me, ole boy I guess that are trying to get rid of me, because the first time she get out of line I will check her special azz... Now mind you my boss is on vacation so I thought I will be working at my own pace for the week, guess not...So she preps me by saying don't take no shyte from her if she gets out of line check her. Apparently she drove her secretary crazy because she out on Bed rest for the next 10days. This Dr. Special is something else, I hope she have her shyte together because I really don't feel like dealing with her non sense today. Now I prep my patient, The doctor will be out for a week and they won't call as much. But her patient keep calling fuking up my flow. I not in the mood for this shyte right now. I'm ready to go already.

Better than Before

I feel better than I did earlier today. I met MissKree for a quick cocktail at our part-time gig. Which I really didn't want to go, but Kree is my friend, so I went anyway. As of tonight if I'm not workin I'm not going to none of my part-time gigs, yeah I have two bars that I work at and I'm actually tired of working. But I love the money fuk that I need the money. I love to shop and I need this money to make me and my son both happy. He hate it but a girl has to do what a girl has to do. His father don't give me nothing not that I need him too. But it will be nice if he offer at time. Fuk Him..... So now I get there and I see the same old azz bitty there. Damn go home already, everytime I come in the bar you are in the bar. So today I decide to wave to everyone verse going around giving out hugs and kisses, fuk it let them come to me sometimes. So we have a couple of drinks, vent a lil, strike up another conversation to take our mind off of the real problem. That's really not working, but it was worth a try, now it's time to go. I need to cook, play my few dollars for my dreams and go home and take it down.

Oh I forgot to call Fire and Air, he stated he wanted to drop off my son's gift. I called of course he doesn't answer which is cool with me really just want to go home and cry. But as I'm driving I really need to go home a laugh to keep from crying. I'm crying inside never outside I guess I'm depress, fuk that snap out of this shit you are definitely trippin. I decide to go rent the 40 Year Old VIrgin. I heard it was funny and trust me I need a good laugh.

don't wish your girlfriend was hot like me , Oh wow Fire and Air is calling back! Hey! I will be by there in a half/hour, cool no problem.

So I prepared my dinner, clean up a lil, rolled my L, head for the shower and here comes Fire and Air. Bogie open up the door, for who, you will see when you get there. He opens up the door and Fire and Air scares the crap out him, him and dog both take off running to hide. So now I double check on whose really at the door. Oh ok it him. I guess he's in a playing mood.
Damn the shower felt good as hell. I didn't want to get out but I had to entertain my company. So we are enjoy the L and watching the movie, which was funny as hell. I need that laugh and the company, actually Fire and Air has been nice latley I have to keep telling him how he makes me feel sometimes. So latlety he been keeping in contact on a daily basis verse once a week. So we are still laughing about any and everything and thats what I really need to make my night better than my day.......

Feeling Blue

I'm Feeling Blue today, don't ask me why, just not here today. So pardon me if I seem distance. Hopefully I will get better by the end of the day.

The Guy (part III)

Hello.....How was everybody weekend? As for me my weekend was ok in the physical but depressing in the mental. How do you know when your timing is right! Please tell me?

Ok here it is 5days and still haven't heard from The Guy. I don't know about this dude, but he got me thinking about him at all times...What the fuk is that about. Anyway I been going thru some real live emotional feeling thinking about this fuker. How fuk can you talk your way into somebody life and then leave on a silent note. This shyte got me trippin. In my mind I been cursing him out and trying to dial his number, but my fingers wouldn't let me, which was a good thing until I had one two many shots...So I broke down and call the fuker! Can I ask you a question? What Esdot?(oh I'm bothering you )No! Are you on some lil kid shyte, esdot I will call you back, no don't bother I see now that we are not on the same level. I was so hurt by the way he handle the call, but at the same time I was like fuk him. I know I know what everybody is thinking but some time you get caught up with the wrong person. I'm good though. I feel much better knowing that he is just a talker. But I got admit his game almost had me Slippin.......NEXT.....

What is the fuking problem!

Ok I been dealing with whole lot of people and the issues lately.

Simpleton:

Last night I had to deal with Simpleton he's one of my bar customer, but I known him for a while so he calls me his lil sister, well last night I curse his azz out, like I was his fuking mother. Every time he comes to the bar he always lose something,and who do he call first ME....mtherfuker keep up with all your shit keep it at home or in your pocket fuk it get a pocketbook, You are a Grown Azz man what the fuk is your problem.

The Grill from Hell:

Now he my boy but he has a fuk up grill. Anyway how is he suppose to be protecting me at the bar, but this mtherfuker is so light he can't protect his damn self. He don't have no mean of transportation so he depends on me to get him home every Wednesday night, but he makes so mad because he always popping shyte. He got one more time and he will see how feel to get left in the cold. How the fuk you pop shyte when you need people, what the fuk is your problem!!!

Mother:

Why is she calling me like this she must want something, damn did she even call her grandson for his birthday (hell no) that why he don't fuk with her now he label her as Aunt Olivia verse grandma Olivia. So I figure I will call her back when I go to lunch, but something told me to call my NANA, I know my mother called her first and guess what she did, she stated that my mother needs 50.00 for her rent...Yeah right I need about 700.00 for mine she better get the fuk out of here ain't no way hell she needs 50.00 when she got a man living there. But I'm not fuk up so I called and guess what her phone is off....Grown Azz lady what the fuk is your problem can't pay your bills....

Attention:

I'm convince that what she needs is attention and I'm not the fuking one right now so she better leave me alone.

Hippo the Male Nurse:

Fat fuking bastard that works my fuking nerves continue kiss azz and not work on getting it kick....He makes a statement on how I got here at the ZOO, I got here because I inquired because I want a job to meet my skills. But let this mtherfuker tell it oh she was struggling at the bank and need leave because she was having hard times. Mtherfuker are serious! You don't know shyte about me all I ask your fat azz was they hiring because I wanted to work normal hours and get bi-weekly pay instead semi-weekly. What the fuk his problem thinking I was struggling

Man of the house

Today is My baby birthday he is getting old, damn it seem like I just had him but it been 12 years now. Damn that mean I getting old. Oh well what can you do but get older. Anyway I tried to take him to breakfast to start his day off right, but of course his shady azz didn't want to go his main concern was to not have to wear a uniform, so being that I have to work tonight I will take him to dinner tomorrow restaurant of his choice with one of his closest friend maybe I will take Enel being that him and Amir have the same born day. So to all my blogger please wish Amir A Happy Birthday!!!!!!

Esdot Porter

Today I feel good, for some reason I haven't really thought about "The Guy" who is very shady, but it's all good so am I!

I actually had fun last night, I laugh like all night along. Ms.Perdie and I was on the phone talking my adventure the night before, which was funny as hell, I believe we laugh for a good hour straight. Then I went down stairs to show Shemboogie my wonderful sex bite and we smoke and laugh some more. Then MissKree with a K and I went to Chateau of Spains and laugh even harder. Laugh is good for the soul and trust and believe I need to laugh to keep from crying. I hope I make some good tips tonight it's rent time and I'm broke so hopefully my good ole faithful customer will come out an support me. Someday I like my customers and somedays I don't but tonight I will like them I didn't work on saturday night,so I miss them. Nothing really exciting happen today. So I guess I will holla back at cha shortly......

Unexpected Phone call

I receive a call from my use to be Best Friend "Terri".....I felt bad because I brush her off, but at the time of her call I was dealing with my real family and friends...So she will be ok...

This Guy (part II)

Ok remember in my previous blog about The Guy?

Well this guy is the best so far yet. For a minute he had me feeling some kinda way, I was liking him but at the same time I wanted nothing to do with him. Well deep down inside I just wanted to see what he was made of. Because the way he touched me made feel like getting on my knees to perform some kind of brain surgery, in my mind I'm like I never been touch like this before Damn...Damn..Damn...

Well any way I sent him a text telling him I'm in time out for a minute, and I will kick it with him later now that was Thursday. So he never replied or called until yesterday evening (which I been dying to talk to him the whole entire weekend), But again I had self control, not calling I was to the point were I wanted to do a drive by to see if was home (he's not my man what the fuk is wrong me go home) .
So any way my days got longer, my nights got restless because I wanted to see him, hear for him shyt he could just sent me a Happy New Years text that would been fine with me, but nothing happen. So on New Years Day I had a brunch hoping and praying he showed up, but he didn't again no call no nothing, but I already had my mind made up if he call I'm going to fuk him and leave him, well I shouldn't say leave him , I meant put his azz to sleep and go home, because if it good I'm going back.

Well hear it is 4 days later and he calls, I missed the call so I called him back.
What's up, nothing how are you (fine now that you called)so we are having a general conversation about nothing, then he question the text. Why you feel that way what did I do, I said nothing it me I like you and I feel likes it wrong to like you right now, he chuckle and said no I like you too, don't feel that way, so now I jumping for joy inside and just going with the flow. So we are talking over an hour long, but I was tired of talking, I ask if I can come over he said yes....

I arrive at his apartment a little after 10, as I walk in the door I'm on the phone and so is he, but he standing there in his towel right then and there I knew it was going down. So now we are both off the phone he states to me I'm sorry I meant to meet you at door with umbrella so wouldn't get wet, so I said I'm ok I have one. (I love him, he always know what to say) Damn ....Damn....Damn... So he's in the shower I just sitting there in a daze, thinking to myself will this be a good fuk or a bad one....I hope it's good because I like him. So we are talking having a nice conversation, having cocktails, but gods know I need about two more just so I get how I want it.

All I have to say is this.......Damn...Damn...Damn...Damn......If you have Mary J. Blige (No More Drama CD) Song titled: Never Been, well you know how I feel....I can't go in to detail....But I will be back for more hopefully to stay......

I'm back!!!!

Goood Morning Blogland!!!!
Last Night I'm officially out of time out.

Ok I'm quite sure you read my previous blog when I put myself on time out. Well now I'm out of time out.

HAPPY NEW YEAR'S

I WANT TO WISH ALL MY BLOGGERS A HAPPY NEW YEARS.............

I'm Officially in Time Out

Good Morning Blogland!!!!!!

Last night I made a decision, that I need to make along time ago. I'm on time out!!Damn a New Years Resolution, this is something that needs to be done right now.

I don't know why I meet men with BULLSHIT....
I don't know why I meet men with DRAMA.....
I don't know why I meet men with ISSUES....
I don't know why they LIE all time either....
But what I do know is that I'm in time out.....

ESDOT PORTER IS OFFICIALLY IN TIME OUT............

I'M MAD AS HELL RIGHT NOW

Here I am at lunch taking a nap right, one of the xmas helpers comes in a wakes me up stating that I need to go my desk because my boss wants to speak with me, mind you I'm at lunch, I punch out so I'm entitled for my half an hour right. So now I am my desk waiting for them to transfer the call and I'm just sitting there waiting so the call never came thru. So I ask her dispy azz where the call she says or he said to call him in my mind I'm thinking what if I left the building then what. So anyway I call him for him to ask me about another doctors schedule. Are you fuking seroius why not ask his lazy ass secretary.......FUK MY WHOLE NAP UP....... I'M MAD AS HELL RIGHT NOW

Sleepy as hell

I wish I was off today! I'm so sleepy it doesn't make no sense. I work last night and didn't get home until about 2 this morning.

Have you ever had one of those days where all you wanted to do was stay in the bed and not doing nothing, when I say nothing mean nothing, no eating, no bathing, no talking on the phone, just home alone with your pillow. Well that the kind of day I wish I had. I never get time to rest all I do is run...run..and work...work...Well the new year is approaching and I will be doing more sleeping than running. I will learn how to take a nap afterwork and before. On Sunday I will be home doing nothing, but sleeping I will try to eat in between naps but I need to lose weight so it probably won't be a priority to eat, just sleep and sleep and more sleep...All this typing is making me sleepy........

This Guy.......

I met a guy that I like but he is weird as hell. He one of those guys that makes you feel comfortable when you are in his presences, but akward over the phone. He also that type that like do what he want to do when it comes to doing it, if you get my point. Let just say he is a "Touchy Feely Guy". He tried to work off my Vickie, but it wasn't happening especially not for free and it's was our first date, now there's no time limit on fuking, it just a price if it the first time for everything (I know I sound like an whore) but it is what is. So my question to my bloggers is should I cut him off and say fuk it and fuk him or should I tease the fuk out him until I can't take no more. But remeber he has show and improve (cash/gift) something before the vickies come off. Don't get me wrong he has the touch to put you in la la land, but I have self control. So it won't happen or less I want it to!


Question of the day:

When is it a right time to have sex with someone?

Sleepless Weekend

Friday Night

Friday night turned out to be good. My job X-mas party was actually nice, I sat at the table with: Juicy, Touchy Feely, Close-up and Michael Jackson(one of the doctors) I thought that I will be ready to go once I got there but I wasn't, this is one of the best since I been here. One thing I didn't like was Kermit who kept laughing at nothing, but of course it's always that one person that had to much wine and don't know how to act. But anyway it was all good.
Now I leave an get ready for the next event which is at the 40/40 Night Club in AC. I was doing like 90 all the way there no traffic, no po-po, it was a straight run, which was all good. It normally takes 2 hours but it took me 1 and some change. So now we check in,and freshen up. Oh we is Monkey, Dunn and Esdot. But about time we are done Chameleon and Cee is checkin as well. So we all meet up in the lobby and now we are on our way.......

40/40
Oh wow this 40/40 is so much better that one in NYC.
I ask the bouncer to direct me to Engagement Party for H and S. He directs me and I see S first, she greets me with a hug and a kiss. Oh Esdot I'm happy you made it, are you alone or did you come with your peoples, yes they are downstairs let me go get them. As I walk I think to myself she is such a beautiful person and she will make a perfect wife. So I gather up the gang and we back up in there little seclude section, with there own bar and room. So now we see H, and gives me this great big old hug. How was the Xmas party it's was nice, you thought I wasn't coming right, if you didn't come I would curse your azz out . I told you I would be here no matter what I love you guys.
Now it's time to get out drink on! Let me have Remy/w/ginger ale and splash of cranberry ..please...Are you drinking S, yes Barcardi Limon and Corona! Ok coming right up.

DRINKING AND DANCING....MIXING AND MINGLING....DRINKING AND DANCING....MIXING AND MINGLING...

Wow I'm really having a nice time, this is so nice. I can do again next week. I'm not but I could if I had the time. I'm getting hungry now, but I really don't want to eat. Fuk it I'm already drinking so I mind wells eat some these buffalo wings, which were pretty decent.
MORE DRINKING...MORE CLUBBING.....MORE CLUBBING.....MORE DRINKING.......

Ok I starting to feel these cocktails, awe damn it's time to go.....Alright now we leave and Dunn has still not paid me for his hotel room with his cheap azz. But if I don't get my money he will not get any sleep.

brrrr.....It cold out here, but we are having to much fun so it's not really bothering us, well me. On our way back to hotel and my feet is aching from my heels but shyte I'm cute I will change them when get to the car.

Off to the casino we go, really don't want to gamble I a lil tipsy, might fuk up just because I feeling tipsy, fuk I will get it a try. Damn I lost 50.00 on roulette that it I'm done time to go to bed.

Saturday
Now we are back from AC, Monkey and I are starving we go to local hood spot John's Place, which fuk my stomach up once I got home. But it was all good because we didn't have to pay some guy sitting at the table behind us, paid our tab so we gave her a nice tip to compensate the good service.

I need a nap before I got to work tonight. If not I will be done after 3 hours.
Of course the nap never happen went to Cleaner to get my clothes, which I will never put all those clothes in at one time again my bill was 100 bucks...shyted....
I arrive at home and my son is out playing with his friend he is not trying to help me with my clothes, he is lazy as hell , he get from his father. Once I finanlly get up stairs I recieve a phone call from Blast from the past. damn now I can't get a nap old boy

Off to the bar I wish I could of called out cause I really don't want to be here, but fuk it I'm here, I like the money and I need the money, let me do what I do......
This will be a very long night I can see right now!

But I had a great Friday Night, I will be tired as hell for the remainder of the weekend, but it was worth it.

WHY ME.....

Why me! Every time I think something is going good it goes bad. This weekend was suppose to be a good weekend, I have plans to go to my Christmas party and then to The 40/40 to an engagement party. But as of right now it's not looking so good.

Heels piss me off about some snotty as patient that had to wait over an hour to see the doctor. I apologize to patient for the wait and so did the doctor but she don't care she feels like we suppose to kiss there azz as much as possible. But I'm not the one for all that, I make the appointments and that's it, what am I to do when he doctor take his time with his patients,rush him...Yeah right. So she call her self yelling at me, I just walk off, like I don't want to hear this shyte right now, but I was so upset to the point that I do not want to attend my Christmas party tonight, but fuk it I'm going for a lil while then I'm out...

Then I receive a phone call from fat azz with the fat pockets, tell me that he's not going to be able to attend the engagement party tonight at the 40/40. Now I been asking him all week long, was he going and he said yes, on top of that he called me yesterday to confirm letting me know we got a room. So I said cool, no this fat bytch turned around today and cancelled. I didn't curse or yell, I just said ok. But I'm still going, staying in the same hotel and swear on everything I love, he bet not be there. It's wrap for fat azz with the fat pockets. I can't do this shyte no more. As of right now I'm thru with these fuking men. I need a break from all this bullshyte. NO MORE CALLS/NO MORE FUKING/NO MORE EXCUSES/NO MORE NOTHING...I'm in FOCUS mode....Fuk him.......

Feeling

Hello Bloggers...I been working lately so haven't had a chance to let you know what's been going in my Life.

Lately I been dealing with alot of mix feeling. I thought I wanted to be with a certain guy, but when I realize that he was just as desperate as females, I fell back from the situation. I guess I felt some kind of way when he announced he had a girlfriend, and now I see why I felt that way. I was use to him being there when I need him to be and of course the cash that I was receiving when I need to receive it. Some time I think to myself will I always be like this "fuking with n*gga because of what they can give me. . I guess time will tell if I'm a gold digger or not..But let somebody else tell it I am one, oh well it is what is, I rather be digging in his pocket verse searching in mine. That's why I need an aggressive man in my life just tame me a little bit, not to the point where he will be control my life but just enough to take initiative to make me look a life in a different way.

Ok back to my mix feeling. I believe I was going thru a phase, and now I back to normal. But it's still one problem with the guy, I thought I wanted to be with, like I told you he has a girlfriend,but all I want to know is why is she so mad with me? I practically gave him to her, I didn't show no sign of interest at time he want to be bother and he move eventually and found this smut. Now I normally don't go in to name calling but she made an indirect statement which she could kept to herself and she was shooting mad rocks...... Do she know that I'm that bytch that will make shyte happen. I'm not a trouble maker but I will handle anybody that bring it my way. I hate silly azz bytch and n*gga who can't tame there bytch..Somebody had to tell her about me, but I guess they forgot to tell her I'm nice with mine, shyte he better tell her, because any kind way it go down I'm hook off on him first and then I will deal with her. But let's just hope I don't have to go there. Even though I want to

Now have another issues blast from the past is coming into town this weekend and he tryin to see me. Once I tell you who he is, tell me should I see him or diss him.
He was the only man I got out of character with I did about 4 hours in jail and he live with me. Does anybody know who I'm talking about?

Weekend.....

My weekend was cool, thanks to snow I was off Friday....Nothing spectular happen this weekend. I work out on Saturday Am and Work on Saturday night.

Yesterday was ok I went to see the new addtion to my family, My aunt had a baby girl last week. So I had to stop by there to check them out. She was so cute and tiny, makes me want another, but I need a husband first. I stayed there for a while we talk and laugh. Then I off to the store, then the bar and then home....

Thanks for the Snow

Good Morning Blogland..I had a very long weekend thanks to the snow.

Thursday Night I hung out to about 3am. Why I don't know, I guess I was in a partying mood. I went to the Martini Bar. Which was ok..I make better martini than them, but the atmosphere was cool, that's a bar you go to when you are creeping. Then we went to the hood bar FOXES. Its hard to find a park space because it's so pack, then the fake azz parking attendant always give me a problems, I don't know what it is, but he always get smart with me, but that's what you can expect from a crack head, I need to stop wasting my energy on his azz. Now we are inside I'm looking around, checking my surrounding. I see my favorite person. I luv her, she helps me when I really going thru something, I don't know what I will do if I didn't have a friend like her. We did our normal meet and greet, then I did my walk thru. Mingles with some of my admire. Damn I need drink Da-Da, me too, I trying to signal the bartenders that we know very well but for some strange reason they are both are ignoring us, I started feeling some kind of way for a minute, now after waiting 15minutes, one comes over with a straight attitude, but I look past that and ordered our drinks. Socializing with my bar friends and now who walks in the door " the fuking enemy", I start to grab my coat a leave but my favorite person tells me to stay and do what you been doing. So now I'm in the spot I been since I got there, far away from " the enemy" and when I look up to my surprise he close by. Why the fuk is he close by, the last time we were here he ran his azz out the door.
But anyway I'm enjoying myself with da-da, we are both laughing about "mssg man" One day I will bring Mssg Man to blogland, but right now it's not a good time. But anyway I feel like somebody is staring at me but I refuse to look up to see who it was, but Da-Da said it loud and clear why the fuk is he staring over here, I said who, the fuking enemy I said girl fuk him. So we are cracking up laughing about all kinds of shizt, then here come the enemy friend who feels like he need to speak to me, I spoke back with the biggest smile on my face just so he knows I'm not feeling no animosity toward the enemy. I felt like he did that so he can report my reaction,to the enemy after that I decide to be out. We left and Da-Da drop me off home, then I hook up with Juicy who took me to one of her hang out spots, which I wasn't really feeling the dancers where kind of whack not to appealing, but she had some photo from the previous spot she was at, I wish I was there to see them in person and not on camera but don't worry I will be there next this week to come.

Now I home trying to get myself together for bed. Thinking to myself why did I hang out this late, damn where is the snow, I will not be able to function at work AM. Here it is 3:15 and my phone is ringing, who the fuk is calling me at this time of the the night, it simpleton he must been drunk calling me with some bar shizt, I talked to him very briefly.....Sleepy time....
4:am the phone is ringing again I said out loud what the fuk is going on who the Fuji can this be, it's one of my stalker but I didn't answer what the hell can he possibly want, I tried to shut the ringer off, but I was only able to put it on silence, 4:08 oh my god it's ringing again, I said hell to nah, is he serious, this time I tried to turn it off but once again it went to silenced mode.4:10 it's ringing again I said this is some bullshizt, I'm going to curse this bastard out when I get tomorrow, and this time I removed the battery.........

Hurry up 5'oclock

Ok 1 more hour to go at this crazy azz zoo....We just sang Happy Birthday to Michael Jackson, I was surprise he show up in the kitchen any other time he hiding in his kingdom with Sharon Stone, she's a fuking stalker at times. I wonder what she gave him. On the other hand he has two more stalker here at the zoo touchy feely and close up. Please let his azz be he's married with kids and don't want neither one. Ok Mold is calling me asking me about a fuking surgery, why I don't know, you booked the surgery and then you moved it...Leave me the hell alone...Now I have to call the patient and let her know the appointment needs to be rescheduled oh boy. Twister stated it suppose to snow tomorrow I don't mind staying home catching up house especially laundry, because I doubt if it gets done today. But on the other hand I don't mind the Zoo, sometimes I have fun here especially me and juicy talking about the night before or these fuking animal here.....Fuking close-up just sent me email saying she out tomorrow, who gives a fuk bye bytch, enjoy your long weekend.... Ok it's time clean up my desk and get ready to go into the cold, I don't feel like going to the bank deposit my money I hate paying fuking bills....Guess I will go to Wal-mart get laundry detergent. Hopefully about time I'm done it won't be traffic I love the Zoo, just hate commuting to this mthfuker.......

The end of my Night, the start of my Day

Driving down the highway jamming to my music, having crazy thoughts about my love life. I decide to think about something else. Realizing that I was hungry called ahead to order me a salad which was not ready when I got there to pick up. I arrive home to get ready for my part-time job,but before I left I had to help my son with his homework. I don't know if I mention him before,but yes I do have an 11 year-old who thinks he's my daddy at times. He's the man of the house for now so I just laugh when he goes thru his 21 question at 7am. So now while driving to bar, I'm think how my night will turn out, whose coming to see me tonight. Hope and praying I get a chance to watch Top Model, so it will be ok if it slow from 7 until 9pm. So now that I'm here I see the normal drunks that are there every Wednesday night, not mad at them for being there but wondering why the hell they are fuk up at 6:45pm. Especially my help he's already funny looking, but extra funny when drunk.

Co-worker of mine is happy to see me because she ready leave but who gives a fuk, I have full time I get there when I get there, I don't know why she can't stay until 7 verse 6. What the fuk I don't know why her hours are from 10 to 6 and not 11 to 7 anyway. So now I counting my drawer making sure everything is all there. So now I'm here, and I make small talk with the customer(s). Check the time to see how much longer I have to wait for Top Model,dying to know whose going to win tonight. So far the bar is still a dead and top model just came on. Me and one of the customer are both anxious to see who be kick off first. So now one of the customer wants to play music on Jukebox, I was mad at him because I told him we had to watch Top Model damn that music right now, he said damn top model, in my mind I'm saying you take your azz home, so I just turned it down on his azz, and continue to watch. So now we see the first elimination and it's Bre, I knew she will be first but she out did the rest of girls...Now one by one here come my regulars and some friends but of course my friends wants to watch Top Models as well, so we greet each other with hugs and kisses while my regulars pop shizt. But they pop shizt when I don't cook for there hungry azz, or because I didn't make there drink fast enough or they just have something to say. But most of time I make them wait because they came in the door popping shizt, I don't feel like hearing that shizt right now my show is on. But when the commercial comes on I got them. Now that everybody has there drinks and they are some what calm. It always that one person who I love very dearly that has something sarcastic to say, then once he start the rest of them start. But it's all fun.....Now we are still watching Top Model and waiting for there pick, Nik or Nicole......Nicole was the fuking winner why I don't know but of course she is on the Pink side and the last time the winner had a lil bit of black in her, so that explains it all. We were all shock and thinking why the fuk they pick her azz.
Oh ok now it time for me to pay some attention to my fan club, they are requesting for me to put on Lip Gloss and I listen only because they give me more tips just on appearance sometimes..But again you got remember half of my fan club wants to fuk me , but it will never happen just flirting to get that cash. But it's one guy that very persisent but I just can't see it. I will have to be fuk up for that one but will also need that cash satisfy my pockets,sound like WHORE but it is what is. Drinks are being poured, music is playing, customers are talking amongst themselves I'm washing glasses, ear hustling, collecting tabs and tips, for the rest night same routine, but tonight it was kind slow verse a normal night. Now it's about that time to kick everybody out so I can go the hell home. I have a 7 o'clock hair appointment, don't know why I book that appoinment that early what heck I need to look good for Thursday night I made plans to go out have a drink.....

Damn it's 6:15 already mad as hell that I book this hair appoinment, I guess being pretty ain't easy when your hair is short as hell. Prepared myself for the day out door for the morning; it's freezing cold outside, hurry Blu and warm up, damn need gas, bump it let warm up while filling up. Arrive at my stylist house around 7:15am, but the way we were talking like it was 12 in the afternoon......She washing and talking, I looking at my watch like I got to be the work at 9am hurry the fuk up. But I like my stylist she cool and will hook me up at anytime day or night... Finally my hair is done on my way to work, now stuck in traffic already late, but I still need to stop and get my coffee before I deal with my patients and of course some of my annoying azz co-worker...Remainder to come

Oh Boy.....

On the phone with one of the guys that can't seem to let me go. Now mind you we are cool for the most part. But I want him to focus on his retard azz girlfriend whom he is taking to Hawaii on Friday. Now tell me why the fuk is he calling me. Well he stated he is calling me because he wants to know if I working at the bar tonight so told him yeah. Then he said well I want to see you before leave, I ask his dumb azz why, and he said because I just want to say good bye to you..The question is why won't he say good bye forever. I don't understand why he won't admit that this chick is his girlfriend...She must be your taking her to Hawaii for two fuking weeks.....I dealt with him for 5 years and we travel to Jamaica which he could of have stayed the fuk home because he was boring and to Dallas where he think this will be every year thing. Yeah right...next year I will be going alone and I mean it. I can't put up with this bullshizt no more.....
Oh wow I feel much better now that I got that off my chest.. Fuk him NEXT

Love Life....

Good Morning Blogland! How is everybody doing on this cold day? Warm I hope. Question why do most people love life suck verse living there regular life? Can anyone answer that question for me? Well being that we are on the topic, my love life sucks....I WISH I could meet someone and be happy with him. I'm at age 30 still living a single life which to me is abnormal. I know there is not time limit on when you will settle down, but damn when will you know you met your SOUL MATE?

THE MEN I ATTRACT

I attract them all, SINGLE, INVOLVED, MARRIED and of course last but not least CRAZY.
Most single men are scared of commitment, and the reason why because either they been hurt before or they love the single life and not having to answer to no one.
Involved men wants there cake, ice cream and lil extra if they can have it that way. Married men are just as bad as being involved it just that they basis there second life on time. Now crazy men are the ones you give them something good and they can't seem to let you go, it's always a fight to leave them. I know most women can relate to all of the above. But I meet the MEN that all Love Esdot. But for some strange reason these relationship doesn't last very long. So I wonder from time to time is it me or them?

How will you basis your Love Life:

Are you Happy or Unhappy with your current Lover?

Are you settling for specific reason?

Do expect more from him or her?

Are you only there because of the Kids?

I would like to know so please leave your comment in my comment box.
Also I would like to hear why you think my relationship don't last? Be easy on me for those who know me well.

Difference between a barmaid and bartender

I know some people may think that bartender classify as man and barmaid classify as a woman. Well it don't. I serve liquor at bar, so that classify me as a bartender. Barmaid is also consider as a female bartender that wait on people away from the bar and that's not my title. Let me put it this way I'm a Professional Pourer with a License and good a what I do.....

Weight

Last night I met with a Personal Trainer, who reveal my weight as 50 pounds to much...I'm not going to tell you how much I weigh because I'm so embarrass with myself. But if you see me you will say no that's not true. I'm 5f 6in tall with great bone structure and hide the weight very well, but I refuse to start buying clothes in the teen's. So I started working out with the trainer,I did a little cardio as my warm up, then he started working on the whole entire body. I did a little of everything in sets of two's which I felt good afterwards and very little pain this morning. But I will probably feel pain tomorrow you know it takes two days to kick in.

Today.....

Blogster's. Welcome to Life of Esdot. Today is my first day as a blogger. I think this will be very interesting hobby along with my other one which is being a bartender. Bartending is very fun and best way to make extra money. But remember you have your good days and bads days...But My clientele is good so I always have fun even if the day is good or bad.